Procrastination

This lazy bastard has had a kick up the arse. I left a piece of coursework too late and now, sitting and attempting to write it, I am filled with dread. 

I had OVER SIX WEEKS TO DO THIS. I have given myself, effectively, THREE DAYS. What on earth is wrong with me? Why did I choose to do other things in my Christmas break? Why did I choose to go to work, see my family and RELAX? Stupid idiot...

I chose not to touch it because I was scared of failing. of getting it wrong, of it not being perfect. I could just see the face of my supervisor reading through the stupid shit that I was churning out and thought, you know what, I'll tackle this when I'm feeling smarter. Unfortunately, I have become progressively stupider over the break until I have fully deteriorated into sheer, sheer thickness. I feel so bloody dense just looking at the reading, how is someone like me supposed to understand this? What's worse, I bet everyone else has already sent theirs in. Bet they're all solid efforts. Mine could have been if I hadn't managed to complete the physical feat of both digging myself into a hole AND shooting myself in the foot. 

What now? I have to write the bastard thing don't I. Write down words that I know are airy-fairy wishy-washy namby-pamby bags of shite. I am saying something for the sake of saying it. To hit what is, to be fair, a very low word count - on a very specific topic that frankly, I have no strong feelings on. 

If I don't come at it swinging with an opinion, it'll be a toothless boring essay, but watch me try to do so and probably end up completely embarrassing myself and getting it all, all wrong. 

Additionally, when I get back I've got mocks I haven't even glanced over anything for. I have done this to myself and vow never to do this again. I shall kill that Jekyll inside me that thinks it's fine to take a break on your break, she's stitched me up now. 

And I'm procrastinating now, by writing this. Right. Off I go.